Thursday, August 16, 2012

Soul Searching

After you have been a stay-at-home mom for a couple years, even a couple weeks, you begin to wonder if you should continue your professional career.  In my case, I feel guilt about not financially contributing to the family.  I have been waiting for a job opportunity to fall into my lap and well, one fell and I began pursuing what I thought was a "meant to be job."

I was given the amazing opportunity to interview for any one of 3 elementary positions in the district where we reside.  REGULAR EDUCATION!!  Was this my "out" of special ed?    I took the timing and potential positions as a sign.  This was my break.  A way to begin contributing to the family funds again.  A way to get my foot into the regular, elementary setting.  I landed an informal interview, which ended up going well because they invited me back for a second interview.   I welcomed the second interview, knowing I would have to prepare and teach a 3rd grade language arts lesson to several administrators.

I wasted no time as I began to brainstorm the perfect lesson to teach.  I spent Brady's entire nap-time gathering ideas and creating worksheets to use.  I continued working feverishly that evening to complete the lesson plan and all the components I would need to teach a successful lesson.  As I was preparing, I couldn't help but think whether this was really the right move.  After all, I just started doing some tutoring and independent consulting for a company.   Thoughts began to pour into my already overwhelmed head:
1. School starts next week!!??
2. What will I do with Brady?
3. I am already making some money.
4. What about that beach vacation we were planning next week?
5. What if I get the job and I just can't juggle everything else?
6. I know what a nightmare I can be when I am stressed!  Look Out!!
7. Could I continue to be a good wife and mom AND hold a full-time job?

There were SO many unknowns.  I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots over the lesson and potentially accepting a teaching position.   Is being a teacher really worth it at this point in my life? NO.  So there you have it!  By 8 AM this morning, I was on the phone pulling out of the running.  When I hung up, I felt a sense of relief.   At this time in my life, it just wasn't "meant to be."

Instead, I will continue being a much appreciated stay-at-home mom!  Just check out all the fun things we do together!  I really don't want to miss one second of it!  Life is TOO short!

 He keeps me busier than a classroom full of elementary kids!

 What a good BIG brother he would have been!! Someday!

Giving Big Bird a BIG hug!