Back in 2011 and into 2012, after I had Jordan, I would see these beautiful new moms, proudly pushing their new babies through each store I went into. I could not seem to get away from the constant reminder that everyone else had what I should have had. Each time I would pass a new baby, I would give a look of despair or completely look in the opposite direction. I just could not bare looking at babies. Each time someone posted pictures of their new babies on Facebook, I would cry! I was happy for them, but so sad for myself. This attitude continued until I got pregnant with Collin.
Getting pregnant again was like a new beginning, another chance, and a breath of fresh air. I could feel a sense of hope come over me. I was able to smile again. I was scared out of my mind, but I was excited for the possibility of another child.
When Collin arrived, I became the proud mommy pushing him through the stores. This time, aware of "the look." There have been times when I have picked up on women who look at me with pain in their eyes. I smile at them and wonder what lies behind their sorrowful eyes. Could it be that they too have experienced a loss of a child? I can't help but be happy for the life of Collin, but I also know the feeling of longing for a life that was taken too soon.
That said, I still long for Jordan and wish he was part of this family. I am often reminded of him and think of him daily. I am blessed to me a mommy of three!
Brady and Collin update:
Brady had his 3 year check up and he is doing well. This summer, he has participated in 2 day camps. He enjoyed both of them and show no signs of missing me when I leave. He is becoming more confident in the water and goes down the slide at the pool. Next week, he will be getting swim lessons. He is busy, busy, busy! I am wiped out by the end of the day!
Collin is almost 4 months. He is growing like a weed! He is beginning to roll over and show excitement with high pitched squeals. He has a smile that melts my heart every time. He has Chad's dimples. (Super cute)
Thanks for continue to read my blog! I enjoy updating it when I have time :)