Friday, July 26, 2013

The Look

Back in 2011 and into 2012, after I had Jordan, I would see these beautiful new moms, proudly pushing their new babies through each store I went into.  I could not seem to get away from the constant reminder that everyone else had what I should have had.  Each time I would pass a new baby, I would give a look of despair or completely look in the opposite direction.  I just could not bare looking at babies.  Each time someone posted pictures of their new babies on Facebook, I would cry!  I was happy for them, but so sad for myself. This attitude continued until I got pregnant with Collin.

Getting pregnant again was like a new beginning, another chance, and a breath of fresh air.  I could feel a sense of hope come over me.  I was able to smile again.  I was scared out of my mind, but I was excited for the possibility of another child.

When Collin arrived, I became the proud mommy pushing him through the stores.  This time, aware of "the look."  There have been times when I have picked up on women who look at me with pain in their eyes.  I smile at them and wonder what lies behind their sorrowful eyes.  Could it be that they too have experienced a loss of a child?  I can't help but be happy for the life of Collin, but I also know the feeling of longing for a life that was taken too soon.

That said, I still long for Jordan and wish he was part of this family.   I am often reminded of him and think of him daily.   I am blessed to me a mommy of three!

Brady and Collin update:
Brady had his 3 year check up and he is doing well.  This summer, he has participated in 2 day camps.  He enjoyed both of them and show no signs of missing me when I leave.   He is becoming more confident in the water and goes down the slide at the pool.  Next week, he will be getting swim lessons.  He is busy, busy, busy!  I am wiped out by the end of the day!

Collin is almost 4 months.  He is growing like a weed!  He is beginning to roll over and show excitement with high pitched squeals.  He has a smile that melts my heart every time.  He has Chad's dimples.  (Super cute)

Thanks for continue to read my blog!  I enjoy updating it when I have time :)