Thursday, March 28, 2013

Jordan, Our Middle Child.

So here we are, one week away from welcoming our Rainbow baby and I can't help but think about delivery day.  Will it go smoothly? Will something horrific happen?  Will I get to bring my baby home?  I am frightened at every thought that runs through my head.  All I want is a healthy, living baby.  I have prayed for it before and was left completely devastated.

You may want to know if I have prayed for another healthy, living baby and the answer is YES!!  Of course I have.  Every single day I pray.

When we lost Jordan, I asked the attending Reverend at Children's Hospital how one goes about "keeping their faith" when encountered with such a devastating loss. He told me a story that I have written about before in the entry titled "Keeping the Faith at 4 months."  I continue to think about how much God loves me and the children that I bare.  I have to believe that He has a plan for each of us.  This time I hope and pray that the plan is to keep this child in my arms.

Jordan will always be our MIDDLE child.  Quite symbolic after rereading my post "Recalling THAT Day, " Where I listed some symbolisms of a butterfly and how much of his life was symmetrical.   He was born smack dab in the middle of the month and on the middle most day of the week (wednesday).  Kind of ironic if you ask me.

I sit here, struggling with the new "what ifs" if this pregnancy and delivery.  Hoping things will go as planned and praying for a rainbow miracle to enter my life next week.

On the bright side, the doctors said the baby is measuring a week ahead (37 weeks) and already weighs 6lbs. 7oz!

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