Friday, July 26, 2013

The Look

Back in 2011 and into 2012, after I had Jordan, I would see these beautiful new moms, proudly pushing their new babies through each store I went into.  I could not seem to get away from the constant reminder that everyone else had what I should have had.  Each time I would pass a new baby, I would give a look of despair or completely look in the opposite direction.  I just could not bare looking at babies.  Each time someone posted pictures of their new babies on Facebook, I would cry!  I was happy for them, but so sad for myself. This attitude continued until I got pregnant with Collin.

Getting pregnant again was like a new beginning, another chance, and a breath of fresh air.  I could feel a sense of hope come over me.  I was able to smile again.  I was scared out of my mind, but I was excited for the possibility of another child.

When Collin arrived, I became the proud mommy pushing him through the stores.  This time, aware of "the look."  There have been times when I have picked up on women who look at me with pain in their eyes.  I smile at them and wonder what lies behind their sorrowful eyes.  Could it be that they too have experienced a loss of a child?  I can't help but be happy for the life of Collin, but I also know the feeling of longing for a life that was taken too soon.

That said, I still long for Jordan and wish he was part of this family.   I am often reminded of him and think of him daily.   I am blessed to me a mommy of three!

Brady and Collin update:
Brady had his 3 year check up and he is doing well.  This summer, he has participated in 2 day camps.  He enjoyed both of them and show no signs of missing me when I leave.   He is becoming more confident in the water and goes down the slide at the pool.  Next week, he will be getting swim lessons.  He is busy, busy, busy!  I am wiped out by the end of the day!

Collin is almost 4 months.  He is growing like a weed!  He is beginning to roll over and show excitement with high pitched squeals.  He has a smile that melts my heart every time.  He has Chad's dimples.  (Super cute)

Thanks for continue to read my blog!  I enjoy updating it when I have time :)


  1. You being sensitive and aware of what might lie behind other's eyes is amazing. Sometimes, people are so involved in their own happiness (which is definitely ok!), that they forget someone else is wishing, longing, praying, (and sometimes begging) for what they have. Absolutely love reading your blog and love hearing about the boys! Inspiring and hopeful!