Saturday, November 16, 2013

Happy 2nd Birthday Angel!!

Here we are, two years since Jordan was born.  I continue to think and be reminded of him each and every day.  November 16, 2011 was a scary day and it started the darkest time of my life.  I remember the pain and heart-ache that I experienced at that time.  I was in denial of the situation and felt as though I was living on auto-pilot.  I believe that God was helping me to cope rationally on the outside, but I was completely falling apart on the inside.

There were many people who told me that "time will heal."  I wanted to punch each person in the face who told me this!  I could not imagine ever healing from the death of my son!!  I sought out support groups, books, journals and blogging to deal with my feelings.  All of these things have helped, but TIME is what needed to happen.  It took time for me to grip the reality of postpartum without a baby.  It took time for me to understand that this was NOT my fault.  It took time for me to realize that Jordan was not coming back and that this really did happen.  Those people I wanted to punch in the face were right. And although I don't think I will ever heal from the loss of Jordan, time has definitely helped to heal the pain.  My heart will always be a little bit broken.

As I sit here, two years later, I feel a new sense of family.  I have lost, but I have also gained. I have gained empathy to a new extreme. I have gained a new appreciated of parenthood.  I have gained new friends.  I have gained a new BABY and I am so very thankful for these gifts.

Wishing my beautiful angel a very happy 2nd birthday! I will love you and remember you always!

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