Sunday, February 26, 2012

Kohl's First Birthday

2/25/12 was my nephew, Kohl's, first birthday.   He was stillborn.   My sister went in for her regularly scheduled c-section on 2/25/11 and a heartbeat could not be detected.  Little did I know what she was feeling or dealing with until I went through a similar situation with Jordan.

I spoke to her on Kohl's birthday.  She seemed to be holding it together.  She was touched by the people who remembered his birthday and sent notes to her that day.   We talk often about our angel boys.  It is bitter sweet having her to confide in.  If you have never lost a child, you will never understand the painful emotions we face day to day.  It doesn't matter how long you were able to spend with your child, the hurt and sting are all the same.

Some people will ignorantly think that b/c we didn't really know our children, our grief is not as hard and our pain is not as deep.  I can tell you that it is.  Our hopes and dreams for our babies were destroyed the minute they died.  We dreamt of their bright futures, what their personalities would be like, what their professions would be, where they would go to school, who they would marry and although we will never see their future, we will always wonder what they would have been like.

Our arms ache and so do our hearts.

We have unending love for our angel boys!

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted you to know that I love you and my heart aches for you on a regular basis. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are feeling and what emotions you feel on a daily basis. You are a wonderful mother, wonderful wife, wonderful sister, wonderful daughter, and a beautiful friend.
    I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain but I know that no words can ever fix what you are feeling. To say that you and your family did not deserve any of this is a large understatement.
    I know that Jordan is your angel and he is watching over you and Chad. Please know I am here no matter what, to laugh, to cry, to hold you, and to just plain listen.

    Love you!!