Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Gifts Through Grief

Monday was my third time going to a support group.  It consists of me and two other ladies.  Because it is through a church,  the facilitator ties in scripture to what we are experiencing.   This past week, they opened my eyes to three gifts.
1.  After my sister lost her second child to an umbilical chord accident, I was extra cautious during my pregnancy with Jordan.  During the pregnancy, I did not get overly excited about baby 2.  I always had a thought in my head that something similar would happen to me.  I did not organize a nursery,  I did not get the double stroller out of its box, and I did not put the infant car seat into the car.   All of which are out of character for me.  I am normally very organized and make sure everything is ready in advance.  Maybe that was God's way of helping me through.  I didn't have to come home to a house full of baby items set up throughout the house.
2.  A few months prior to my delivery, I was at Bunco with some neighborhood ladies.  During our break, one particular lady and I struck up a conversation.  She told me about her family and that they own a funeral home downtown. I had asked her how many children she had and she went on to tell me she has four living children and one in heaven.   She felt comfortable telling me the story about her son and I listened with heart ache.   Knowing her story and her family business, I immediately got in touch with her after the loss of Jordan.  Not only was she a valuable resource about grief, but she and her husband also took care of Jordan at their funeral home at no cost!!   People definitely come into your life for a reason!
3.  The last gift was given to me at the hospital.   It was hard being at the hospital where I delivered and not with Jordan at Children's, but it was a gift in disguise.  I was full of hope for Jordan during the days we spent apart.   I had a strong feeling that he would pull through and we would be taking him home soon.   Because he was alive, yet struggling, I was pushed to stay positive.   Even though he did not make it long enough for me to see him alive, I truly believe that he kept fighting long enough for me to be discharged.  Had he passed during my stay at the hospital, I probably would have been more of a wreck! Being in the maternity ward with a bunch of new moms and new babies is totally different when you are a new mom without a new baby!

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